I had a good last day. It was full of lasts, of course. Last trip down to ultrasound, last ride on the staff elevator, last chart work-up. Last time to hear a page from the disembodied voice ("Dr Holden-Parker...Dr Holden. [pause]Parker"). It was kinda weird to think about how quickly everything became routine.

I think the thing I'll miss the most will be the gumball machine. I won't miss stuff like topping up pap smears and all that other stuff I once would've called horribly gross. But when you think about it, a diseased body will never be pretty; gynecology isn't all that bad.

Of course it wouldn't be a day unless something slightly crazy happened. This elderly (70+) patient decided she needed to go to the bathroom, AFTER she'd gotten her gown on. So she just flings her door open and BACKS out. She was in the room right across the hall from where I sit, so I look up to an eyeful of ass. Gross. I hop up, then everybody else notices and we have to corral the lady back into her room, cover her up, and then let her go on her way. Whee.

I have a bunch of stuff to do, packing-wise, so I should probably go do that now.

One day + 42 patients + add-ons + being on call = one heck of a day. It was absolute madness from 8:30 to 5:00. It seemed like every time Dr. H-P got a little less behind on her own patients, she had to run off and take care of somebody else's patient. The nurse practitioner was great about helping with our load, but it was still crazy.

I usually leave at 4:30. But the good doc told me that she'd probably be doing a c-section right after she finished in the office, and would I like to stay and watch it? Of course, I said yes, but inside I'm thinking "Holy freaking cow, what am I doing???" It didn't make it any better when I was warned "She's a real big lady, so we're going to have to tape her fat back," or something to that effect. I was very very super worried that I'd either throw up or pass out. In fact, as soon as I put the mask on, the very first breath I took made me lightheaded. Just the feel of the air whooshing in through the sides of the mask. I think it was all psychological, though; I adjusted the fit and it was fine.

Dr. H-P was really cool about talking to me as she worked, telling me exactly what she was doing. Cut cut, snip snip, "And this is the uterus!" More cutting, and then a red GUSH. Then a clear GUSH ("And now the water's broken!!"). Then the baby came out! While she was being cleaned up and such, there was a little show-and-tell...uterus (with a tiny fibroid), ovary, fallopian tube. Then everything got all stitched up. Coolest thing I've ever seen in my life. In LIFE.

In closing, I'd like to say that fat is really gross and I think I'll stop being a fatass now. If my feet weren't absolutely killing me, I'd go running RIGHT NOW. It's like, flecky. There were flecks of fat sticking to things. That was worse than the blood and fluids splattering on the floor. Fat flecks.

I made a separate entry because this just didn't need to be in the same entry as the awesomeness of seeing that baby make her debut.

So, anti-Ket still had not completed work that she's had THREE WEEKS to complete, and tried to trick me into doing it. I did it, because the charts were for tomorrow's patients, and they needed doing. But I wasn't tricked, and I told her so. I also told her that I'm only helping out for the summer because Dr. H-P was nice enough to let me; I'm doing the stuff that it's anti-Ket's job to do. And once I leave, she's gonna have to step the heck up or it won't be pretty. The doc doesn't plan on hiring a third person, so once there's two people, multitasking will be key. It's not terribly hard, I've done it and I'm not even a real nurse. I'm somewhat convinced that if I could take blood pressure on my own, anti-Ket wouldn't do anything. That's really the only difference between her and me (note that I didn't use "she and I"!!!). Anyway, I said everything but the last sentence to anti-Ket, and she was like, "I know, I'll do better." We'll see....we'll see.

Today I got to watch a delivery!! Oh my freaking goodness gracious, it was one of the awesomest things I've ever seen. In my lifffffffffffffffffffe. I mean, I've watched the Baby Story and the Birthday and those other shows. But that doesn't hold a candle to being in a room with seven other people and all of a sudden there's a ninth, brand new person that just came out of another person!! I was worried that I'd pass out or throw up. The latter was especially likely since Dr. H-P literally came and got me mid-sandwich. There was much gushing of several multicolored fluids. But I was fine! It was sooooo cool.

Other stuff happened today but none of it was sooooooo cool.

Link of the day: CNN's Democratic Convention Blog. I've realized that neither party really stands for anything besides getting their candidates in office, a big change from my idealistic days. But the conventions look really interesting. I think I'll make it a goal to attend one. And there can be good speeches. Apparently Dean didn't do too well, but everybody'll be talking about Barack Obama around their water coolers. So read his speech, lest ye be left behind in the realm of ignorance. I saw part of it; the man speaks really well.

Of less national importance...it looks like the surefire way for a team to be eliminated from "The Amazing Race," is for me to say they're my favorite. So, on that note, Lance and Marshall are SOOOOOO my favorite team now. Hehe.

One member of each team had to eat a kilogram of caviar...that was pretty rough. Colin and Brandon, the partners of a beauty pageant girl and a model, respectively, made the girls do the eating. Geniuses. I'm sure neither girl eats a kilogram of anything in a month. Meanwhile, Chip went from being annoying to being my hero...he wolfed that stuff down like a champ.

One more day of the week and I'll be off again...

Today, Dr. H-P was like, "I'm gonna need you to sign some papers, and then you can go to sections that I do." And I was all, "Cool! I'll get to see some sections!" And then I thought, "I'm so cool, I can call c-sections, 'sections' like a real OB-GYN professional." Because we all know that extra c is just TOO MUCH.

A little bit before lunch, the operator came over the intercom, like "Code Yellow, prenatal clinic. Code Yellow." And I was all, "Code Yellow, double-you tee eff?" So I looked at the handy color-coded tags we have, and saw Code Yellow: Violent Patient or Visitor." And then I thought, "We're all going to be shot." Turns out, this woman had an appointment, but when she was called to go to the back, she didn't want to go because some soap opera was on. So she became irate. Pregnancy does crazy things to a woman's mood.

Talking about the incident later, I found out that only a handful of people on my floor even heard the announcement. If it'd been some really dangerous situation, that would've sucked!

I was able to sleep for an extra hour again today. That's good stuff. Working when the doctor's on vacation is not good stuff. Charts, charts, charts. Hundreds. Thousands, even. Oh man. Not even reading magazines or espn.com could break up the monotony. At one point I seriously considered trying to end myself with the letter opener, just to have something else to do. On the other hand, there's a feeling of accomplishment to doing over two weeks' worth of paperwork in three days. Especially when one of the real nurses didn't even get through two days. I'm such a dork.

Tomorrow=payday.

I had something meaningful to say, but I lost it. I need to sleep.

I heard once that evil doctors only prescribe medicines because drug reps pay for them to go on cruises and give them freebies. Today, I definitely had Trout Almandine for lunch, courtesy of some drug reps. Yay freebies. I still don't buy that doctors prescribe medicines just because of stuff like that. At least not the doctors where I work. First of all, they rarely have the time to stop and eat these free lunches. It was allll nurses. And I don't think a single nurse could tell just what drug was being peddled. I asked about five different people what we were there to see, and got the same response: "I have no idea, I'm just here for the cheesecake." Yeah, major conspiracy there. Doctors are evil.

This week is Dr. H-P's week off, so things are very laid back and pretty boring. Just doing charts gets monotonous, but it's nice to see that I'm accomplishing someting. Between the two of us, Lesia and I did two week's worth of charts. We've been going at a pretty good clip. I went in a half hour late today and got to leave 45 minutes early! Good stuff.

First, quiz results (thanks, Nne).

You are a WRDL--Wacky Rational Destructive Leader. This makes you an enemy of the state. You are charismatic and winning and a very dangerous enemy. You favor justice over compassion, and would almost rather see your opponent fail than you succeed.

You impact the lives of those around you more than any other personality. People remember your name and respect you. You are a tremendous amount of fun to be around and astonishing to watch. You are generally abstinent in your habits, and you like things tidy and ordered.

When picking teams, it is smartest for others to pick yours.

Today, there was a new person working for the nurse practitioner, and she kept coming to me with questions. To me!! Better yet, I could answer them!! How good did that make me feel???!?!?! Very good. I was like, "Oh, I'll show you where we keep those," and "Yeah, I know which code you should use." Woot!

Listening to lite rock all day, I hear a lot of No Strings songs. Not necessarily ones that they do currently, but ones from an older CD Kathryn let me burn. The original version of "Helplessly Hoping" is even worse than the acapella version. I didn't think that was possible, but it is.

"Private Conversation," by Lyle Lovett, is my new favorite song. I kid you not.

For lunch we went to hear the guy talk about Uterine Fibroid Embolization. I thought maybe the information would be way over my head, but it wasn't. It was actually pretty interesting. Maybe I'll become an interventional radiologist!!!! Fibroid Guy provided Chick-Fil-A for lunch, which was a lot yummier than my usual sandwich.

Quote of the day: "No no no no! That is just unacceptable. Donatello is purple, Leonardo is blue." -Dr. H.-P.

The last patient of the day was an OB patient who turned out to be a fetal demise, so that was a really sucky way to end the day.

Tomorrow, there's going to be a talk on fibroids or something, and we all get to go! There will be free food, so that's why we're going. Just like college.

Today was amazing, because Dr. H-P was finished seeing patients before 4:30! 4:15, suckas. That'd never happened before. The good doc was able to get a start on the mounds and mounds of paperwork she needed to go through. Anybody who says they want to be a doctor for the money had better be able to tolerate paperwork. Because if you don't really really like what you're doing, it's not worth it.

Yesterday we had to send four people over to the hopsital, and H-P somehow found the time to make rounds on them today. I just kept thinking about all the times I've been at hospitals, mad at doctors for not making their rounds fast enough. I always thought that they aren't just sitting in their office, sauntering over to see their hospital patients whenever they feel like it. I guess...I thought of the hospital and the doctor's office as separate entities. For example, I've always known that the neurologist making rounds to check on my mom is the same one whose office she goes to for checkups. But on the patient side those things don't really overlap. If I'd ever taken the time to think about it, this all would've been quite obvious. But I never had a reason to.

No more wisdom for now.

If you're wearing scrubs, you are a friend. Conversations may be started freely. That's apparently the rule at the office. Good thing I die a little inside every time some stranger starts talking to me. Though I suppose practice with people skills is always good.

Aside from that, there were several interesting moments today. Dr. Holden-Parker was showing us this scrape on her finger. She'd covered it with some pseudoderm thingy (like a big clear bandaid): "I put this on it, but it got water in it somehow and now it's just gross." After staring at it thoughtfully for a few moments, she pokes it and goes, "Splooshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh." (The shhhh lasted like, a minute.) I was amazed, partly because I didn't realize that she was slightly mad. And partly because it was something I would do.

THEN, this lady came to give the good Doctor a brand new tablet computer to try out. The plan is that eventually, all the doctors' offices will use them to do charts and stuff. I don't think it'll happen in the near future, because...

Dr. H-P: So I use this pen to write on the screen, and it goes on the problem sheet?

Tech Lady: Well, you have to use the pen to tap on this keyboard; it won't recognize your handwriting yet.

Dr. H-P: Oh...I need to write things on the problem sheet.

Tech Lady: You can't edit problem sheets yet. You can view them!

Dr. H-P: But that's what I need to write on.

Tech Lady: You can't do that...you can write on a new sheet.

Dr. H-P: Okay, but how about writing on their current problem sheet?

Tech Lady: No, can't do that.

Dr. H-P: The problem sheet, that's what I need to write on.

And on and on for five minutes. Good times.

Finally, about six lab orders into the day, I realized that I've memorized a couple dozen codes. Yay!

I walked into the office this morning and was greeted by fresh piping hot Mary Lee donuts. Think Krispy Kreme, only about a thousand times better, and you have a Mary Lee donut. So good. Sooo good. Today was really busy, and I didn't get to
watch any procedures. We didn't really have any, just a million OB checkups and Well Woman visits. (A Well Woman is just a checkup for someone's who's not pregnant. And who's a woman.) For the first time since I started the job, I multitasked. Instead of spending some time working up charts and the rest doing
lab stuff and prepping rooms, I did it all at the same time. Madness. Fun madness, but madness.

I learned that obgyn lingo for gonorrhea is 'GC'. I had the biggest urge to walk into the lab, throw down the sample and go, "THIS IS HOW WE DO IT IN THE GC, BITCH!!" But I didn't. I don't think anybody would've gotten it anyway. These people all go to bed at like, 6. I still have to find out what GC actually stands for, since nobody could tell me. I was like, "GC?" And I was told, "Yeah...I dunno, that's just what they use." I also learned what G_ P_ _ _ _ means. Still getting no urges to practice gynecology; I just like knowing things that I did not know before.

First session of multiplication tutoring went pretty well. The kid needs lots and lots of practice. I guess that's why they're paying me to practice with him. We're going to have flashcards. We're going to have that big table thing. We're going to have games. It'll be a grand time. As grand as rote memorization can be.

I agreed to do the 'tribute to fathers' on this year's Father's Day program. Which means I have to come up with something to say by...Friday. When will I ever learn to just say no to this stuff? Bah.

Today in tutoring, I will be giving a test. I think I'm going to call it a review worksheet, but it's a test. I want to see how well she can answer these problems on her own, without my help. The summer LEAP is on July 7. If she doesn't pass, I think I will cry. I really really hope I'm helping her.

Meanwhile, in Achaea, it's Sarapin. Which means, avoid landmarking at all costs. Which really means I'll end up working, if not marshalling, for like five hours. Because I just can't stay away. Anyway, my -other- character recently became a novice aide. I didn't think it would be that easy, but apparently you're appointed to the position before you start training. So she can't actually give interviews yet. So now, when I'm playing that one I can now see my characters on two help files. I am easily pleased.